Scary Day for a Sweet Little Boy

To say that I love this little boy somehow seems so inadequate to describe the depths of my feelings for him (or any of my kids for that matter).  Yesterday, Chase gave me the biggest scare I have had as a mother.  In the morning, while his big brothers were playing in their room and Tim and I were hanging out in the living room with him, he had a seizure.  Ever since then, I just can't get the image of my little baby seizing, or the intense feelings of fear, love and protection that washed over me, out of my head.  He was just lying on the floor next to his dad, watching a cartoon, when he started getting a mesmerized look on his face.  Tim and I actually joked about it because this boy does have a thing for TV.  But after a few seconds he suddenly rolled onto his side and then onto his back with a strange expression on his face and his arms tensed at his side.  Again, initially we thought he was trying to be funny, but we pretty quickly recognized what was happening.  "Oh my gosh, he's having a seizure!" I said.  I had never seen a seizure in real life before then, and to watch my poor boy's body go out of control put me in a panic.  I don't think I've ever freaked out that badly before in my life.  Thankfully, Tim was there and was much calmer, so he took Chase into the other room and spoke with the paramedics on the phone while I was losing it.  So many thoughts came to mind... When will it end?  Why is it still going on?  (It lasted a good 2 1/2 minutes.)  Will my baby be okay?  I have been so blessed in my life with good health for myself and all of my family members, that I have never faced a moment like that before, where suddenly you wonder if your life after that instance will ever be the same as before.  The worst part was, there was nothing I could do.  I couldn't make it stop.  I couldn't comfort him.  All I could think to do was pray.

After the seizure ended, he was completely out of it, not even trying to resist the paramedics as they strapped him to the gurney.  So, while I was glad to see that his body had relaxed, my mind was still frantic because he still wasn't himself, and he looked so tiny and helpless on that stretcher.
Thank heavens, after getting pretty worked up at being poked and prodded at the hospital and then falling into a really deep sleep for a while, he eventually woke up and seemed back to his normal self.  Nothing has ever made me so happy.

Since then all the tests have come back fine.  We still have to follow up with a neurologist in a few days to make sure everything with his brain is okay, but it seems like it was probably just a freak thing that happened once.  All I know is that for the last day I have enjoyed every minute of being around that little boy.  Every word from his mouth, every smile, every cry, every hug have been so welcomed because I am just so glad he is healthy and happy.  Sometimes it can get so easy to take for granted the presence of our children in our lives.  I know that I am guilty of it. But for the past day, I have been reminded of why I am so thankful to be a mother and just how much these children mean to me.  I have heard a quote along the lines of "being a mother is like watching pieces of your heart walk outside your body."  Today, I am grateful that all my heart's pieces are once again intact.  I hope little Chase knows just how much his family loves him and how thankful we are for all the love and laughter he has brought to our home.  I am so grateful to be his mom and so thankful that he is okay.  We love you little Chasey bugs!